Not in the Big Brothers / Big Sisters Manual

Okay...so I picked up my little last night and his mom jumps in the car. She apparently just got out of physic ward and is supposed to be under home confinement. WTF.... 

Last night was awkward to say the least. His Mom was constantly shaking like she was going to spontaneously combust, habitually lying about everything that came out over her freaking ass mouth and to top it off she kept coming on to me. 

 Thought I was going to have to through her ass out of the car when she tried to hold my hand on the way home.  (Tuck and Roll...) She kept talking about making me a pudding pie and buying me avon calonge . I am positive I was not smoking anything, so I was not tripping.  I could not drop them off fast enough. 

Did not see this in the big bothers, big sisters handbook. This is not the half of last nights exploits. Despite of all of this I feel even more compelled to help my little. I truly feel sorry for his environment and for his mom and her mental disorders.

Slightly tramatized,

Shawn Westmeister

Finger Paint Taste Testing Event!

On Thursday I got a letter sent home from my daughter’s elementary art room teacher.  My kid is a……well lets just say a social butterfly.  So I am used to getting notes sent home about her bull shitting in class or just plain ass annoying the hell out of her teacher.

Don’t think ill of her she really is a very good, sweet child and very smart.  She is academically doing great. She just has no freaking common sense.  A chip of the old block….. She just seems to think that she don’t need to hear what grown ups have to say because we are all just lame to her.

Well this particular note even shocked the hell out me. It said that she got in trouble in art class for eating the finger paint.  I thought to myself WTF is wrong with my kid….eating freaking finger paint…. Ohh then it got better.  I was starting to feel my face turning red with embarrassment and anger as I read this…. until my eyes got to the next part that said “Maci said that it looked like Ranch Dressing.”

I then burst into freaking ass laughter.  Seriously….She that makes total sense. They seriously sent me a note home because a 7 year old tasted paint because it looked like Ranch dressing.    I totally get that…Fuck I am 31 and if I was there I would have probably joined in and tried it with her.  I can’t be even pretend to be a little mad at her. Maci is a 7 year old child and she is going to do child actions and behaviors. 

Shit most of the boys in her class spend half their day with their finger up their nose and 25% of them are eating it.  Seriously if this is the biggest complaint that the art teacher had to deal with that day she is freaking as lucky she is that sheltered.   

Talking with Maci about the incident she was totally rational about it with questions like. How do you know what anything tastes like unless you try it?  Because someone said so? Did they try it? How do they know it doesn’t taste like ranch dressing?

I am not going to discourage her childhood curiosity.  I thought about it and I asked her if she was told not to eat the paint prior to the taste testing event. She said that the art teacher never said not to eat it.  I asked her if she knew it was bad for her or unhealthy to eat the paint, again Maci said no.  She then asked “If it is bad for me then why are they letting me use it with my fingers?”

Uhhhh….I am on your side kid.  I don’t know how to answer that?

I guess child wonderment is a natural thing.  By no means am I saying my daughter will be the next freaking ass Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Dali  or Andy Warhol for that matter.  I am saying unless you tell a 7 year old specifically not to do something then I can’t get upset with them for thinking out side the box and not being afraid to try new things.

Maci apparently was sent to the hall for eating the paint.  The letter wanted me to talk to my child about the actions. Well… my wife and I don’t double punish and as far as I am concerned the school handled it.

It is over…problem taken care of.  How can I be upset with Maci, I found it damn amusing. So…I will just sign there little note and send it back along with a little note back summarizing my feelings on the situation. This should be entertaining to say the least.

Proud Parent, 

Shawn Westmeister

Paybacks are a bitch

This morning I got out some small chocolate peanuts and a couple of large chocolate rasins. Ohh by the way my 7 year old daughter Maci hates rasins. Maci came skipping happily into the room and said Dad I want some chocolate peanuts too. So I stuck out my hand and said the big ones are mine you can have the small ones. Knowing damn well she wouldn't listen. She grabbed the two biggest ones and shoved them in her mouth. She said "ha ....ha....". Then started to chew......then she started to get this oh shit look on her face chewing slower and slower. Then it goes to a look of panic, kind of the same look you would get from a pregnant nun. Then a look of disgust with a touch of horror. She spit them into the trash and says what was that. I told her paybacks are a bitch. You should have listened to me about taking the small ones. Maci looks at me with such attitude and says "Grow Up". Everything all tied up at the Westmeister house.